The fears I have

I was talking with a friend recently about the fears that I have as a father and as a man.  Its not really something simple that we talk about all the time (as men or just people in general). We joke about death by using items like bucket lists to really talk about the things we want to get done before we’re gone.  Josh (@DadStreet) and I talked about a bit of this on LateNightParents this week, when we talked about the Jackie O recordings and what we’d leave behind for our children (I’ll pick this point up again later).

I know by this point you are already thinking its time to click to a different site – something shinny and happy… you’re also thinking WTF adam I read dadarocks for the light stuff the funny the good – as I said months ago – I’m going to try to balance – so stick with me on this one.

If you’re not a close personal friend or been around the few and far between tweets – I had a bit of a scare last year, I had a heart attack. Yup, no history of issues… typical guy I avoided doctors unless there was something wrong. Everything was just like what the TV shows say it will be like – a crushing feeling on your chest and some arm pain. Fast forward 8 months the pain is gone…. but there is something new that I never really had before is the fear of what if I did die, what if I have another heart attack tomorrow (no one knows).

Add to that the typical family man stuff of making a living, enjoying my family, balancing work/life, juggling family/friends – now add to this the fear of what if.

I really dont know – I try to live for today – I’ve been trying to push away all the fears.  Yah I have issues I know… I get that.  I also get that I’m not letting this fear cripple me, but I do want to plan for something – just incase.  All the legal stuff is good to go (wills, insurance, ect) but what about a message to the loved ones (this is what Josh and I were talking about) I have had on my to do list to create some videos for my wife and child should I go the way of the dinosaur and I really wonder how other deal? if others plan? do you write journals? do some recordings?

m4s0n501

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11 Responses to “The fears I have”
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  1. 1

    I blog. It is filled with thoughts, memories and ideas that my loved ones can read. That blog does far more good than I can possibly say.

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  2. 2
    Stephanie Quilao says:

    I’m with Jack, the beauty of a blog especially when you include more personal stuff versus just reviews or links is that it creates almost a living memoir even when we are gone. That’s one reason I use lots of photos and now Im inclined to deal with my fear of video so people can see me in motion.

    For private personal stuff, I like that movie I think that starred Michael Keaton whose character had a life threatening illness and he did a series of videos for his unborn child. Doing a video series keeps the visual of you alive to your loved ones. But more importantly, while we’re still here it’s best to focus on loving openly and freely because that leaves imprints in people’s hearts that transcend physicality :-)

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  3. 3
    Kimberly says:

    I’m with Stephanie. The blog and home movies are great, but I try to remember every day to be in the moment. Sometimes I get caught up in counting down the minutes till nap time so I can get on twitter or finish a post, and I’m not busy making memories. That is the best legacy.

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  4. 4
    amy says:

    I’m so glad you shared this…without a sponsored link for life insurance at the end or a will planning software giveaway ;) I show my kids how much I love them and send them a message to take with them when I’m gone by living a full life, giving generously and often, caring for my health and wellness and making sure that they see and understand these things. Should something happen to me I feel sure that my kids know I loved them above all else and that my friends and family would fill in the blanks for them. Rather than prepare to die I honor my kids by enjoying life. And good Lord, Adam, you need to walk more!! ;)

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  5. 5

    Funny timing, I was reading an article in Parents magazine about preparing an emergency kit for your home. At the end of the article they talked about how important it is to write a letter to your kids, just in case something happens to you or their other parent. kind of like a goodbye letter. They had a few really good ones in the article. At first, i thought this was morbid, but after reading them, they were all very loving and well crafted. I would imagine, something like that, in a situation like that, would be a cherished item for the kid when he grew up. I’m thinking about writing a post on it soon.

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  6. 6

    Great Post Adam! It certainly is a brave thing to talk about and bravo to you for having the courage to bring this in the open! It’s a good wake up call! Perhaps the lesson is to cherish the people you love in life and to tell them that they are important to you before it’s too late!

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  7. 7

    Great Post Adam! It certainly is a brave thing to talk about and bravo to you for having the courage to bring this in the open! It’s a good wake up call! Perhaps the lesson is to cherish the people you love in life and to tell them that they are important to you before it’s too late!

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  8. 8
    dmastropietro says:

    Our generation is given a wonderful gift that we can document our lives for our family through all this technology. I have made some videos and would like to do more. I made sure that I had footage of grandparents and family gatherings.

    Just as the others have commented, I believe it is important to enjoy the moments we are given with our family.

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  9. 9
    John says:

    Great post and exactly the sort of stuff that goes through my head. I became a first time dad just over a week ago and I have started a blog (23:48) for the sole intention of documenting everyday life so that he can look back on it in years to come and get an idea of what was happening back when he was just a baby. Thanks for the great blog.

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  10. 10

    My Da (Irish for Daddy-o) lost his dad when he was only 11. He went on to have a heart attack -he survived- when I was 9. All our lives he wrote notes, took photos, painted for us. All to build on what we already knew. He loves us. As an adult though these things mean even more to me. They give me a glimpse at who he is, not just as my Da, but as a man. Those are the priceless things. Be healthy, only let the fear creep in now and then and above all BE YOU. You are the greatest gift you will ever give your family.

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  11. 11

    I am all about the dark and existential so I totally appreciate this! ;) I had no idea about your heart attack, oh my gosh, so glad you are fine.
    Truth is I don’t know how to deal with these fears other than by writing and living. The stakes seem to get higher the more and the better we live, don’t they?
    this is the deal we get though. No guarantees, no promises, just today. Personally I think that suck. I watch a lot of reality television to distract myself!

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